Thursday, March 06, 2008

Fall From Grace - Just Not Happening!!!!

This month has been one of the worst ever so far in my professional life. Got a screwed up appraisal despite an excellent performance in the previous time period and now looks like I am suffering from a serious case of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)...since Feb last week, I have seen so many slip ups in my work which is uncharacteristic of me. I was known for my perfection and precision at work. I was the perfectionist who according to people was never there till they met me. Now I just seem lost somewhere trying to find myself. I am being yelled at in my workplace, something which had never happened all these months. My lead used to say he sees himself in me when he was my age...now he doubts my capability. he says maybe I need someone to watch over my shoulder when I work!!!! No one would dare to check my work knowing it would be perfect in every sense.....now forget perfection, I am not even getting it right repeatedly despite been given chances again and again....does this mean I have just lost my capability?


If this was a match, I would have said this is not my time or day. I cant afford to say this when I am at the clients place or this early in my fledgling career. This is indeed a fall from grace. People who said I achieved the impossible time and again are chastising me left right and center now. My performance drop is puzzling to everyone around me. I dont know what went wrong and where did this happen. No amount of introspection helps. I am giving my best even now though that bad appraisal did dampen my spirits a bit. Work which I used to finish effortlessly is increasingly found fault with now. Is is that I am not able to carry the huge burden of expectations on my shoulders? I have carried much bigger ones in the past time and again. This is seriously unfathomable. I have endured loss of form in sports a couple of times but never have I seen such a performance dip in my professional life. Maybe a break from everything will help or maybe I need to channel all my energy into this but I do that,..whatever I work on, I give my best. All I can hope is I get out of this very soon before it is too late.

10 comments:

FJ said...

Make sure your life's silos(work, love, family, friends, fitness, hobbies, spiritual) remain so. One shouldn't affect other ideally. Tough to implement but very useful to know.

I have been through such a phase and it takes time to get out. But the funny thing is I never knew why I went into it and why I came out of it.

Ever Hopeful said...

Hi vivek

It happens to everyone. In my case it happened at professionalfront due to personal problems, which led to lot of mental turmoil. If you are upset over something, just try to get oevr it. Prayers help.

May GOD give your strength

Vivek said...

@fj
Ya it is tough to implement

@ever hopeful
It is because of some personal problems...I will get over it :-) Am given a break now to recharge

Ananya said...

Hi Vivek,
Be hopeful. Life is mixture of success and faliure and we should always be prepared for the worst and should hope for the best.

Every thing'll be fine.
Well I m dauther of ever hopeful.

Vivek said...

Thanks Ananya :-) was a pleasure seeing your comment.....and yep things are turning out to be better....life is full of ups and downs...am enjoying them :-) So you are Ever Hopeful's Nanhi Pari :D

Jay said...

As every1 said here, things will come back to normal again ...

BTW, wondering your employer might not see the blog???

Vivek said...

@Jay

I have changed my job an am much happier....I realized that there was nothing wrong...the pressure was created by them and I succumbed to it.Was totally unaware of what was going on...anyways am much happier now thanks a lot :-)

Ananya said...

Hi vivek

Have a look at my blog too and give ur feedback for improvement as I am new to blogging.

Ananya

Jyoti said...

sad to know it all.

Well, everything has its own time. Just try to be patient and handle it out.

Once this time is over, everything will become as normal as before. Let this bad time pass.

All the best

Vivek said...

@jyoti

Thanks for the nice comment.....yes it does take time and the good news is I am coming back to my family....it should work :-)