Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Past - A Bucket Of Ashes!!!!

Life had always been a roller coaster ride for me. I thought I was the master and could control my life the way I wanted but you never know when the past comes back at you. I had that painful experience somedays back. This is about my best friend Abhimanyu. Abhi and I were always partners in crime. Let it be the cricket ground where we knock out the batsmen or chasing girls in school....we were called Veeru and Jai by our classmates and quite rightly so...he was more outgoing while I was an introvert to begin with. I had this studious and no nonsense type image while he was an affable chap. Two people totally different yet the best of friends....amazing isnt? He has had a huge influence in my life..let it be on the field or off it, we've struck many wonderful partnerships. There was nothing hidden between us...when we met, the only common thing for us was our birthday( we share the same date)...he's exactly a year elder than me. When I met him, I thought he was a cartoon...GIRLS GIRLS and GIRLS...is this what he can talk about??This was the impression I had..but I was wrong. I realized pretty soon what a wonderful human being he was and above all a great friend. In no time, he got me out of my shell(something he said he regretted as I ate away his fan following :-) )and we became partners in crime.

After school, I lost contact with everyone including him. My life had been a struggle and at that point, I didnt want to talk to anyone. Time just flew and I was on the verge of completing my Masters. I had gone home for my vacations when I recieved a call. I picked up the phone expecting it to be one of my friends...or GIRL FRIENDS(as mom puts it)....."Dooooooooooooooooode"....someone screamed from the other end..I couldnt believe it. This was something I had not imagined in my wildest dreams...the same voice and the enthusiasm still there............"Where the hell did you vanish??" I was stammering on the other end still in a daze and he was hurling expletives at me for not staying in touch. We caught up with what was going on in each others lives when he suddenly said."Ok lets cut the crap..I want to tell you something.......I'm in LOVE dude".I was pleasantly surprised. For someone who didnt believe in relationships, this was a huge improvement......I was very happy for him and while I stayed away from talking to anyone, he still chose me to be the first person he could share this with. He wanted to propose to her and was thinking how......even in school, people used to come to me with their problems and I would try to solve them. I felt nothing had changed. He wanted to learn how to say I Love You in tamil as the girl was an Iyengar(a tam bram).....We spoke for a long time and exchanged our contact details. And look at the coincidence, along with me, he had lost touch with our entire gang and had no idea about them. We registered in orkut with the hope that someday, we'll find them there. He decided to propose to his girl the next day and I hung up as I had my GRE the next day.

I gave my GRE the next day and got a fantastic score. I instantly hoped that he was successful too. I waited impatiently for the result but he didnt call. I kept trying his number but it was not reachable. A couple of years passed. I mailed him only for it to bounce. I didnt get any news about his whereabouts. Slowly through orkut, I got back in touch with my old gang and none of us knew about him. I chose to keep his proposal a secret as he had not told anyone else about it.
In the meanwhile, I had joined my company and work was taking its toll on me. Luckily, I had a good manager and a wonderful team. Thanks to Abhi I had become a total extrovert...and a ladies man too...was really popular among them :) There was a girl in my team( my senior) whom I thought was intelligent and attractive. The problem was, she was too reserved and would talk about nothing but work. I tried my level best but flopped miserably. One day, I was passing through her cubicle while I saw her browsing some pics. Her machine was directly in my line of sight so I could clearly see them. I could make out her face in it...looks like it was taken during her college days. I was in for a huge shock when I saw the complete pic. She had taken it with Abhi. I asked her how did she know him. She asked me the same question for which I replied that we were best friends and one day he called me suddenly only to vanish again. She broke down when she heard this and said she would talk to me later. I asked her where was he...she told me to see her near the coffee machine. I had tried to have one with her many times but never knew it would be this way.

We went for a small walk outside our building when she broke the news that Abhi was no more. He had met with an accident the same day he had spoken to me....this was too much for me to handle....I had not expected this at all. She said he had always been talking to her about me and she knows me as well as he does. Everything fell in place then. I realized she was the girl he loved. The only thing I knew about her was her name. And here, she was in front of me in this situation...I didnt know how to react. I was close to tears and didnt want to cry in front of a stranger. She had already broken down and I was just standing like a moron doing nothing. She told me how much she loved him but couldnt express it. She trusted me because I was his best friend. She didnt even know that the feeling was mutual...I was about to tell her that he planned to propose to her the next day but I stopped. She was getting married in a month and she had agreed with great difficulty for her parents. I didnt want to spoil the whole thing. This secret still stays inside me. I dont know what I did was right or wrong. I decided never to talk to her again for obvious reasons. Being an emotional guy, I didnt want to blurt this out someday in a moment of weakness.....till date she doesnt know that he loved her too and if she comes to know that I knew it, maybe she would never forgive me for not telling her but whats the point? It was already too late. She was going to step into a new life and I didnt want her past to haunt her. I guess if Abhi was in my place, he would have done the same. Somethings are better left unsaid.............she left the place not wanting to meet me again. And I was down on my knees with my head skywards and eyes full of tears.

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Finally....a blog update long due...was busy moving to NYC....USA's Mumbai :-)....Always active and awake....I do miss Dallas and my old team though. All my plans to go to India have been put on hold. Spent the weekend with some close relatives and had a blast. Going back to my hotel tomorrow...back to the boredom I was dreading....have tonnes of things to do...finish off my tax returns, apply to B schools etc...YAY!!This project is only for 4 months...I can leave NYC after that.....nowdays a strange feeling has engulfed me....cannot call it lonliness but at the same time, am missing someone in my life...maybe all my relatives are happily married or friends are getting married.....well, depends on how the girl search is also going on....am finding an interest in it suddenly......well, lets hope this is just a passing phase!!!!Guys often try too hard in finding a girl and then once the wedding is over, they regret their decision...I dont wanna do that.....and all the people I roam around here are guys...am badly missing a female influence in life...anyways, as I said hope this is just a passing phase...am waiting for next week to finish off a few things and start work too. Got a good appraisal and hope to continue the good work....4 months in NYC.....looking forward to it.