Thursday, March 06, 2008

Fall From Grace - Just Not Happening!!!!

This month has been one of the worst ever so far in my professional life. Got a screwed up appraisal despite an excellent performance in the previous time period and now looks like I am suffering from a serious case of ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)...since Feb last week, I have seen so many slip ups in my work which is uncharacteristic of me. I was known for my perfection and precision at work. I was the perfectionist who according to people was never there till they met me. Now I just seem lost somewhere trying to find myself. I am being yelled at in my workplace, something which had never happened all these months. My lead used to say he sees himself in me when he was my he doubts my capability. he says maybe I need someone to watch over my shoulder when I work!!!! No one would dare to check my work knowing it would be perfect in every forget perfection, I am not even getting it right repeatedly despite been given chances again and again....does this mean I have just lost my capability?

If this was a match, I would have said this is not my time or day. I cant afford to say this when I am at the clients place or this early in my fledgling career. This is indeed a fall from grace. People who said I achieved the impossible time and again are chastising me left right and center now. My performance drop is puzzling to everyone around me. I dont know what went wrong and where did this happen. No amount of introspection helps. I am giving my best even now though that bad appraisal did dampen my spirits a bit. Work which I used to finish effortlessly is increasingly found fault with now. Is is that I am not able to carry the huge burden of expectations on my shoulders? I have carried much bigger ones in the past time and again. This is seriously unfathomable. I have endured loss of form in sports a couple of times but never have I seen such a performance dip in my professional life. Maybe a break from everything will help or maybe I need to channel all my energy into this but I do that,..whatever I work on, I give my best. All I can hope is I get out of this very soon before it is too late.